I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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