need another drink. this is the easiest way
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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