one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm always down for nudity.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
