Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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