I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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