I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Randomize
