i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
