My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
