oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
After tacos, we're chasing women.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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