I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
