I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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