it was like eating out sand paper
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
