she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
