At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
