I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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