I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
