this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
