I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
