she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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