well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
