im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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