Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
