Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
