I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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