it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
