If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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