I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
