so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
This is the high leading the old right now
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Randomize
