it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
