Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Couch. On fire.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
