I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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