I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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