He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
