i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
