She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
