He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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