His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
