Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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