Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
