I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize