i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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