the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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