i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
