i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
