I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
