my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
