i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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