He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
