Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You pole danced in your parka.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
