how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
