Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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