God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
