i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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