Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
