I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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