Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
