John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
