My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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