Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
