The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
