you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
