I met the friendliest cop last night
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
