I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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