Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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