You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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