my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
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