weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
