Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
