Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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