and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
