New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
