I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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