fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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