The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize