Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
