its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Someone came in the potted fern
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
