Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
